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How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found

by Control System

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1.
The sun rises like a nuclear glare come to burn the last of my faith into cinder. Anything that dulls the ache will compromise the sharpened blade. One with every crashing plane. Enlightenment through suffering boiled down and shot into my veins. I am longing for the full dose of pain. Anything that dulls the ache will compromise the sharpened blade. Waging war against myself. Enlightenment through suffering. Your empty mind is a cloudless sky but there is fire always falling in mine. Siege of the self.
2.
Night finds you outnumbered. The light drains from every street. Night finds you among enemies. Night finds you spiraling. Waking up from a dream of peace. Night finds you disappeared.
3.
My mind is a cracked blank slate, a gap in negative space. Consciousness: a fucking mistake. We live and die inside a failed state. A ritual of fear and pain. The sheep’s eyes reflect the blade. A frayed string finally breaks. We live and die and learn nothing. Futile attempts to preserve myself past the edge I am headed for. Life is several shallow breaths and then silence, forever. The captive bolt will loom never more than an inch away. Every head wears a black crown of feathers, circling. Peace will come at the cost of all things living. And we learn nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
4.
The search for meaning comes up empty. It’s so cold in the shadow of beauty. Failings in both mind and body. Building monuments to enmity. Pervasive guilt for every breath that I have ever breathed. Biting down till my teeth are ground down to nothing. I am alone in a city made of my mistakes. I will make wrong all that is right, inhale the sun and breathe flat black night.
5.
A Fever 01:41
I gnawed through the chain that bit deep into my neck and knew the nameless joy of unbound contempt. A vacant apology from a mouth like shattered glass High road in ruin. A fever burning in my mind. Dormant nerves coming back to life. I want to live forever in that moment before the pain hits. Concussed, taking jagged breaths in, the tedium finally lifts. Fever. The only thing that ever made sense was the way the blood flowed from the hand’s caress.

credits

released September 3, 2019

Trey Poluga - Drums
Cosmo Vidussi - Vocals, Art
Ryan Nagle - Guitar
Connor Carden - Bass, Vocals
Tyler Andre - Guitar

Recorded, Mixed and Mastered by Austin Coupe.

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Control System Tampa, Florida

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